Metathesiophobia: fear of change

Unlike other kids, I grew up studying from one school to another, moving from place to place, in short I was always adjusting from one place to another. It was always scary, I always wonder what if I end up alone, what if no one wants to be my friend? I'm socially awkward and I really don't know how to make a proper conversation, let alone I'm always paranoid if I bore someone whenever I'm around them.
Right until now, I envy people who literally grew up with their friends, someone who attended preschool to high school with their best friends. It was something that life didn't give me to experience.

Although, one perk of moving from one place to another is that I get to meet tons of people. meaning I get to have different set of friends. I get to have them, but it meant I had to leave them some time again. I'm tired of having to live that way. It's not that I don't want to meet new people, but for once in my life, I just want to finish studying college in one place. I'm perfectly comfortable and happy where I am now, I don't want to leave here until I graduate, that's all I ask for.

Maybe that's one reason why I haven't got the time of my life when I was in highschool unlike everyone else. I transferred schools from first year to fourth year, making me adjust every year despite the feeling of being accepted. It's different when you grew up with your friends/classmates you know? Ofc I wouldn't know. Duh.

Anyway, i'm just having one of those 1am thoughts that my mind wouldn't shut up with.

xx,Roein